I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
