Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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