You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
