I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
