and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
