Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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