...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
