I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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