I think my vagina is haunted
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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