Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
