I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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