i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
