omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
