TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
