Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
4 words: hood of his car
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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