We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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