3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
