Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
