I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
