My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
