I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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