I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
