we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I smell like Dick and happiness
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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