with your own penis?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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