At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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