you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
