Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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