Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
