you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
