i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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