I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
