I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
