hell yes lets make some ravioli
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
