Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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