if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so let's talk penis.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
