just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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