Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
