omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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