Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
