When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
