textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
