How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
