I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
