I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
