How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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