I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
