threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
