I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This baby is an asshole
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
