...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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