UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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