She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
