you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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