The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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