I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
